Woke up to feel not much different than i did yesterday.. and getting sick is just the least of my worries. i really wanna talk to fiq you know, tell him everything, his opinions mean alot to me. but yeah, we're not the same. as much as we both are tryna lie to ourselves, (or at least me) i think i just needa cry everything out. the fact that im blogging just goes to show how i desperate i am to speak out my thoughts..
im really afraid that history would repeat itself.. like everything in the past. every since fitri i have been fearful of ever falling that deep.. and since then i've been ever so fearful of commitments. this time, its happening again, i really like, no doubt bout that. been in denial just so that i wouldnt come to this. i dont know if im feeling this way because im having a 'i miss him' moment. i really miss him. alot. i always have. when i say ive moved on.. i mean seriously, will i ever be able to fully let go? i dont know.. /: i miss the sense of security i felt when he was around. those hugs, those kisses. i miss being in his arms, i miss holding his hand. i miss everything. yknw you just miss doing all the things you did when you were with him.. and now that im falling into yet again another deep shit, im scared. talking to him about my past yesterday was maybe a wrong move.. /: i never liked it when i havta talk about my past to someone like that.. /: hmm what if he knows? what if he's like the others? what if he's just playing along? what if he's ... gah.
dont think, just do.. really?
